I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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