My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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