we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
