dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
