Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
