Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
