I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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