I cannot find my penis.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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