I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
