I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
