haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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