taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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