you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
