When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
