She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
