We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize