how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
