I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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