____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
