All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
