dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
