Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
