Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
