i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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