The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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