I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
