i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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