no, he came in my armpit
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
