I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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