Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
