Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
