If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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