I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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