i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
