Are we in a gay sports bar?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
