Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
