This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
