I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
