these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
