i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
