how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
