Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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