you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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