I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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