My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
