when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
