I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
