Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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