I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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