I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
