I'm so fucking centered right now
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
