oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
