Life is so much better after having sex.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
