i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
