remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
