It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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