Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
