So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
