she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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