1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
