I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
