The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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