This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
did i just pee glitter
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize