i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize