How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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