Your dad touched me again.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
