this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
