Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize