ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
