how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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