; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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